Jokes Thread!!!

[eckaflx]

Why did the girl fall off the swing?











Because she had no arms!

[miles]

Ironic twist of fate.

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's

mini van and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.

So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked

the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house

all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she

explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if

the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first

light." The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and

settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They

enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.

It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined

that it was from the attorney of that attractive

widow he had met on the ski weekend. He dropped in on his friend Bob and

asked, "Bob, do you remember

that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up

North about 9 months ago?"

"Yes, I do." said Bob

"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the

house and pay her a visit?"

"Well, um, yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out.

"I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy.

I'm afraid I did." "Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."

[miles]

Phone call from the office

((((RING))))
**Pick Up**

"Hello?"

"Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank"

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Frank"

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now"

**Brief Pause**

"Uh, okay then, ..this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway"

"Okay Daddy, just a minute"
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone "I did it Daddy"

"And what happened honey?" he asked

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Frank?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to
clean it, he hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead"

***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause***

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool?? Is this 555-7039?????"

[Adrian]

Good ones Miles!

[roy_nexus_6]

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral.

A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the
service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled
inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful
heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes
stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own
funeral.....I'm a gynecologist."

The proctologist fainted.

[Merlin]

Originally Posted by roy_nexus_6

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral.

A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the
service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled
inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful
heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes
stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own
funeral.....I'm a gynecologist."

The proctologist fainted.

LOL!!!!

[Freediver81]

Originally Posted by miles

Phone call from the office

((((RING))))
**Pick Up**

"Hello?"

"Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank"

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Frank"

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now"

**Brief Pause**

"Uh, okay then, ..this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway"

"Okay Daddy, just a minute"
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone "I did it Daddy"

"And what happened honey?" he asked

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Frank?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to
clean it, he hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead"

***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause***

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool?? Is this 555-7039?????"

Great one Miles!! How are you? hows your marriage? Is is it recommended?

Said

[SurfnSpear]

Originally Posted by Freediver81

Great one Miles!! How are you? hows your marriage? Is is it recommended?

Said

International symbol of marriage is Approved

New York-AP- On 21 June 2005, After 5 years of heated debate, the Commission on Human Rights approved the new International Symbol of Marriage:

[island_sands]

Originally Posted by SurfnSpear

International symbol of marriage is Approved

New York-AP- On 21 June 2005, After 5 years of heated debate, the Commission on Human Rights approved the new International Symbol of Marriage:

hahahahahahahaha nice!!!!!

[SurfnSpear]

........never a truer symbol issued in jest!

[island_sands]

Miles.. can you translate??

[mishu1984]

good one(s)
oink oink

[miles]

Hiya

Nice Sara!!!


Why a girl has 2 hands...

[island_sands]

Originally Posted by miles

Hiya

Nice Sara!!!


Why a girl has 2 hands...

cute!!!!!!! i like that girl... hehehehehe she has the right attitude!

[Groupermadness]

Just a quick one to go .
Why do Elephants have 4 Feet.








Because they would look very Pathetic with just 6 Inches