Entanglement: Dreadlocked Nipples Of The Deep

[octpora]

To abstain from the highjacking of a very serious thread, over here continues the tale of a hairy chest and the politics of global warming. There will be sweat, there will be blood, and there will be a fight. http://forums.deeperblue.net/beach-b...-3.html#684907

[octpora]

4 days later, my first chance of escape presented itself...

[BatRay]

I awoke early in the morning, and by the swaying of the floor I knew that I was hung over, suffering from vertigo, or on a boat. Perhaps it was a combination of all three. I could not remember many details from the past four days. It all seemed like a dream, really. Little bits of memory floated incoherently in and out of my consciousness: I could not decipher whether they were real. There - one of me dancing deliriously around a campfire while unkempt earth-people clapped and sang off-key songs about the souls of algae and the grateful forest. Then, a hazy impression of smoking hemp ropes while Al Gore went into tremors and a violent episode when the vegan revealed that his name was Chad. Finally, a blissfully beautiful image of diving in the kelp forest, weightless and free, moving expertly through the kelp...wait...that isn't kelp; it's too clumpy, and kelp doesn't usually form an impenetrable mat? Oh no, that wasn't kelp, it was GP Girl's CHEST HAIR!!!!
I shut my eyes to quell the gag reflex. When I opened them, I saw a small, round window through which I just might be able to squeeze. I got up and fell immediately, tied around the ankles by some sort of rope. It crumbled fairly rapidly; apparently it was a singed leftover from the delirious rope-smoking episode. How many of my memories were real? I didn't want to find out. As I started toward the window, a heavy footfall sounded outside the door....

[sanso]

BatRay, You're priceless..

[Oldsarge]

Thud, Thud, Thud, went the footsteps. Does Al Gore have feet that big? Oh God, no! It's Paul Ehrlich telling everyone else to commit suicide so that global overpopulation won't degenerate into mass orgies. Sex is evil! No one is allowed to have children ever again. Humanity must be destroyed to save itself!

Why does this sound like a rerun of Vietnam?

[colt.45]

suddenly it oppened, and in stepped gp girl wearing a horable brown sweater
"how are you feeling this morning?" she asked. suddenly i realized that she wasn't actualy wearing a sweater. My gag reflex was no longer supresable. she picked me up and hauled me over to the railing of the ship where i finished heaving the last of my sprouts.

I was getting sick of being man handled by wookie girl and her side kick. it was time to get off this ship.
"where are we going?" i moaned hauling myself to my feet.
"to a secret island off the coast of Iceland for our annual "save the whales convention." she replied "where after seven days of relvelry you and Al Gore will receive the great honour of being offered as human sacrafices to the whales as a symbol of our apology and a small recompense for the lives of whales lost at human hands."

Yeah, it was definately time to get off the boat.

[octpora]

"You know, you wouldn't be half so nasty if you would just trim that hair and take a hot bath" I couldn't believe I had just said it myself.

The shock passed through me before it did her, and in the time between those two events, I jumped over the rail. Her scream followed me all the way to the water. It hurt my ears. But under the scream's angry veneer something else was apparent. Loss? Desire? Humanity? As the water passed over my head, and then I bobbed back up, the scream became weeping.

[octpora]

Have you ever been pursued by a vengeful GP tug? with a harpoon gun trained at you? on the back of a whale? Didn't think so! But that is where I now found myself.

As the water had passed over my head, i wished for two things and a drink of single malt. That is, a personal best freedive to elude the floating hell-hole's search, a bar of soap to remove the stench, and make that a double whiskey. Sardines and krill were going belly up as I passed, they aided by the oil slick, and I by the realization after my drop from the deck. Up there, someone wanted me back.

"Stay calm" I reminded myself, "Relax and use less air. At least this way you get a bath before the end."

Almost a cloud in the deep water pixel effect, there was a white shape forming below me. I really thought at first it was the end, then that maybe the GPers had some phone line straight to Moby Dick and would have me sacrificed early if they couldn't have me later. So surreal, it was indeed a white whale coming at me, and it had a wooden leg lodged in its teeth.

[BatRay]

I must have smoked too many ropes, I told myself. I cast another disbelieving glance, and sure enough, thar she blows! (the whale I mean). Incredibly, I was calm. The deep blue welcomed me, and I continued to sink. In a way, we were brethren, the whale and I. Both of us had faced death at the hands of really weird people. From the looks of things, though, the whale had come out on top in his encounter. How would it end with me?

The great white whale cruised up alongside me and regarded me with a fathomless dark eye. The wooden leg pointed accusingly at me, and I felt a tickle in my brain. Then a voice said to me without speaking, "This peg leg is really irritating. Ever had a piece of food stuck between your teeth and you desperately needed floss? This is a hundred times worse, because I have no hands! Remove it from my teeth and I will take you safely back to the surface. If you refuse, I will eat you."

This was a problem. Which was preferable? Should I comply, relieve this creature of its suffering, and return to the hairy embrace of GP Girl and death by whale? Or, should I accept my fate and be eaten by a whale, which would probably happen anyway?

[octpora]

What a big mistake the GP barge had made! As I had stroked downward, Sprout Sprinkler the Bloodthirsty decided it would be a good idea to train a harpoon cannon at my last trajectory in hopes of skewering me to bring aboard.

Moby Dick was not amused. His large size also presented him with some problem- hard to turn from the path of something so fast. He had offered me my life back in his own way, and so I had to repay in kind, but in the process I sacrificed the coolest souvenir i had ever acquired in my travels. "Oh well, I think it had a piece of skin still attached any way." And just thinking thinking such a thing made me want it back all the more.

The peg leg lodged in the barrel of the cannon as the trigger was pulled. The charge blew it backwards, knocking the stringy little creep backwards into the bridge. It didn't move.

[BatRay]

I bobbed on the surface, speechless with amazement and pleased with myself beyond any reasonable measure. I relived the moment in my mind with delicious glee; the nearly cadaverous vegan flying backward, ever-present sandwich tossed straight into the air, turning over and over, until it finally plopped onto the deck of the GP vessel. A large boot trod directly on the unfortunate food item. Oh no...was it...

[octpora]

Really spiked with real cheese! Yes, there was a sharp cheddar nuttiness on the breeze. Here I had been harassed by a hypocritical vegan. At this point, having been molested by the hairy one compounded the hideosity. Only one thing could make me feel better...

[bdurrett]

OK you two... Just put the pipes down and back away s l o w l y....

That's right, the first step to overcoming the problem is to realize you have one.....

Now, just try these jackets on.... Oh yes, white is JUST your color... Oh, they close in the back? Oh don't mind that. Everything will be just fine... Now if you will just go nicely with these two nice gentlemen, they will lead you to your rooms .....



I don't know WHAT is in that bottle you two are passing back and forth but ... can I try a bit of it?

[octpora]

And thus began a long drinking session with the coast guard captain as we discussed our ethical calculations. By the end of the evening, something was disturbing me. It felt good to be under some level of protection in the presence of such a hairy wonder, as GP girl was. By three in the morning it came out. "I ben at see for 2 munfths".

Thanks for the boost there bdurrett. Almost had a complete plot stall!

[bdurrett]

"Two months!?! Is that all?" asked the captain incredulously. "And you are complaining?" Seeing as how I could no longer tell which was the real captain and which was his double image, seen through my more than slightly inebriated vision, I looked in his general direction and said, "Aye and if you knew what had passed in those two months, you you be praying to Davy Jones never to have two months like that in your life. Consider yourself lucky!" I told him - or was it his double standing next to him - "It could have been you that GP Girl was after..."